Lasering My Face Off
The first procedure I ever had was CO2 laser. If you don’t know what that is, it’s literally the strongest laser available – removing layers and layers of skin in one go. It can have wildly transformational results, if you need it. I definitely didn’t.
Back in 2020, money I couldn’t spend on holidays was burning a hole in my pocket. And watching myself on Zoom all day made me hyper-aware of what I didn’t like about my face.
I was 32 and just had some very faint static lines. Cue the gay panic. I started researching options and settled on “laser”. It just seemed that lasers could do everything: help stimulate collagen to improve elasticity, balance out pigmentation, reduce fine lines. Indeed there are dozens of types of laser, ranging from light resurfacing to complete facial reconfiguration. Guess what I got!
The process
The doctor I saw was called Dr Hussein from Dr H Consult. I watched his videos compulsively on YouTube. He was invited to speak at conferences, where he evangelised the impact that lasers can have. Research complete.
Originally we agreed on some sort of light laser. I can’t remember what type it was. For my face and neck. Side note: always pay extra to get any treatments taken down to your neck. You don’t want your face and neck to age separately.
We were all booked in and ready to go. I had to pick up a prescription: valium and anti-virals. One to relax for the procedure and one to protect against infection, because your post-laser face is very vulnerable. When I got there he proposed CO2 laser instead for the same price (I think about £1500). He chatted about downtime and since it was the pandemic and I could go camera-off at work, it seemed fine.
I was lathered up in numbing cream for maybe an hour. Then we started with my neck. Neck skin can’t tolerate CO2 laser, so he used whatever other laser we had agreed on for that. It was very manageable. No issues at all. It also gave more time for my face to numb, ready for the more-serious laser.
Tangent: the difference between ablative and non-ablative laser.
Ablative lasers are much more invasive and completely remove the top layer of your skin. The results are significantly more impressive and seen faster. It’s usually a one-and-done thing, with no need for additional sessions. The main compromise is a more-challenging period of downtime. Typically they recommend ablative lasers to people with noticeable wrinkles, discolouration or scarring .
Non-ablative lasers are gentler, great for fine lines and improving skin texture. They heat under the surface of the skin, so the downtime is considerably easier. BUT for great results you’ll probably need multiple sessions, and to spend more money.
The pain
Warning: disgusting crusty photo incoming
My Quasimodo Era
Once we were finished with my neck, I felt confident with my pain tolerance and cockily accepted metal plates into my eyeballs. CO2 laser is actually safe to use around the eye area, which many lasers aren’t. It is the best non-surgical rejuvenation option for your eyelids. But your eyes do still need protection. So there I was, laying in a random clinic, completely blind. The smell of burnt flesh and hair filled the room. I entered some trance-like state to endure it and tried not to cry.
It probably only took 30 minutes, but it felt like hours of torture. When I had the metal plates taken out of my eyes it was obvious that I’d found it difficult to tolerate. He seemed genuinely surprised and told me I have a really good poker face.
Also stupidly, I didn’t have enough money to pay for the procedure in one go and needed to set up a payment plan. We agreed to organise payment once we were finished up. So after having survived the process, there I was with a brand new scratchy face mask on. Trying my best not to fall into a heap as I set up a payment plan. I will say they were very flexible about that – I just wished I’d sorted it beforehand.
I knew there was no way I’d be able to get public transport, so ordered an Uber. Thank god masks were normalised by then, so the driver didn’t have to see my face. In the taxi, I burned like an inferno and burst into tears. The drive back to South London was agonising.
Alas, the trauma was only just starting. Looking in the mirror was a shocking experience (for me and for my housemates). The pain had largely subsided by then, thankfully. The agony lasted a couple of hours max. But Jesus Christ I looked like a monster.
A long path to recovery
My herpes era
As my face hardened into a thick carapace over the next few days, I oozed and crusted under a greasy film of Acquaphor (basically fancy Vaseline). It was disgusting, but satisfying, to peel the dead layers of skin off. The antivirals I was on though were clearly not enough. I contracted a Herpes rash. Apparently herpes can live dormantly in your skin, even if you’ve never actually contracted the virus from another person.
The aftercare I received was overall very good. Dr Hussein reviewed my progress and calmly upped my antiviral prescription, as I wondered whether I had given myself a life-long infection at the first sign of a wrinkle. If you’re curious, it is only temporary in this sort of scenario. The rash slowly disappeared over the next week or two and never came back.
One (hard) lesson I’ve had from various procedures is that healing takes a lot longer than you think it does. Even when I had visibly healed, the skin was so fragile. I ill-advisedly got back into chemical toners and retinol and gave myself perioral dermatitis. I had to do a billy-basic routine for weeks. It took about a whole year to get back to normal and, honestly, I don’t think the results were worth it.
TRIPLE A RATING: A
I’m going to give every procedure I have had a rating from A (not worth it) to TRIPLE A (go and get it done now). I would probably rate this higher if I had more serious signs of ageing, and a more dramatic before/after. Or if the pain management had been better – apparently it is unusual to do CO2 laser just with numbing cream. The downside to a good poker face.
